brokenness..

a long time ago, when i was a little girl. there was song my mom would play, OVER and OVER again.to bunny trail for a second I can't believe the peace I have while writing, I can't believe the peace I've had for the past 24 hours, I am so thankful for the voice of the Lord speaking to me, grabbing me with all of his might, with all of his power. I can't believe that he would take the time to just even want me back. But he did.

my heart is pounding out of my chest right now in love for him. It's like butterflies but ten times more powerful, like a beating that rushes into my head and brain, an unexplainable peace in the midst of this storm. AH freaking Jeremiah 31:13-14, i just trust HIM to walk me through this. I just trust him to be the power that I can't be, and it's so overwhelming,
and it's so indescribable how I don't just feel him but know he is there fighting for me and for all the others in this pit, even my father. pulling me into his arms to protect me, and not only protect me but love on me and hold me closely to his heart, oh how i want other girls stuck in the same pit to just let go, and hear him and give into his gravitational pull.
 by no means can any human say anything to get you out, BUT the beauty of God is that he works through to us in mysterious ways. If he uses a human to speak to us, it is certainly a beautiful thing...

 How I can't thank him for just getting my attention. I can breath, anywhere that I am. He is giving me a breath, he is taking away the toxic air and healing me of my disease.
and I digress.... the song was called take my life. I've been thinking these past 24 hours about what I want this life to look like. A few times thought of the handsome man God will probably give me, selfish thoughts, things that are fleeting and of a broken spirit.. But CLEARLY I heard this as i was driving back from class. "Laura, accept singleness and cling to me. Cling to the power of me working through you and you giving your life away. Open your hands and you will see the power of my love grasping you and holding you in unimaginable ways. I am no man, and I am no human. I am GOD. "

the song goes like so:

take my heart, and mold it.
take my mind, transform it,
take my will, conform it. to yours, to yours OH LORD.

TO HIS WILL, HIS WILL BE DONE. I have been so foolish and selfish and blind to him grasping with reaching stretching arms. Why do we find it so necessary to ignore him in the midst of so much pain? HE iS SO BEAUTIFUL MY HEART IS BURSTING OUT OF MY CHEST. all of these pains and heartaches are nothing compared to the treasure of knowing him and learning of his love. I want everyone to know this love deeply and in a real way. I pray God you never let me forget, I pray for all the spirits in this world who cannot hear you and don't believe you are there. That they would have the blind ripped from their eyes and they would know your voice clearly as the sun. Touch them, give them a heart of flesh father.
Keep my eyes on you and my desires as yours.
my life is in your hands, surrendered to your will father.
surrendered to your love

I delight myself in the richest of fair,
trading all that i have, for all that is better
a garment of praise for my heaviness,
you are the greatest taste
and the richest of fair.

psalm 63.