dictionary termed fear: emotion stimulated through threat, extreme discomfort, unsafe feelings.
biblical termed fear: an unworthiness, knowledge of the holy, an extreme adoration, instant humility, awe inspired static.
an awe inspired static.
this term, i guess, created by me is something I never stopped to think about until I entered my house alone tonight.
I sit on couch with laptop in hand full of anxious thoughts and fleshly fears as I sit in this wooden floor cottage.
I am so full of my flesh that it wounds my soul. When I am alone, my flesh presses hard and Satan comes to attack even harder. I can feel it even before I enter a place alone, I can feel the overwhelming force of temptation push against me before I seclude myself into an empty yet surrounded and filled house. I have not done anything to be ashamed of tonight, not even spoken a word against someone in my mind. But I fear myself in my aloneness. Little I thought of the power inside that God has given to me.
My fleshly temptations are endless and powerful against me. But oh it is good to know that he is better, stronger, and so powerful that the fear that stimulates through emotion can quickly be eased when we lift our hands in submission and adoration at this life we are living. Tonight, I had to lift my hands in a literal sense and speak his power. Over me and over the space surrounding me. Not only did I feel it, but an immediate peace came over me.
Genesis 3:10 "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked,so i hid"
is a perfect example of our flesh being exposed and our natural tendencies during those patterns. We not only run to hide in our sin, but we run because we are afraid and do not know where to turn. How beautiful if we step out of our tendency, stand before God and thank him that in our weakness, he is stronger.
under constant mercy in him.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
undeserving
I only really blog when I feel I have a lot to say...
As of right now I do.
And I feel I will go crazy if I don't choose to say the millions of thoughts running through my mind right now.
The last time I talked about this, was way dramatic and almost out of line. Now I am writing it not only hoping that God will speak to others and use me, but also that he will speak to me through my own submission in coming before him, even if it is public- in one way or another.
"false belief: if all of my desires are fulfilled, I will be happy. This is not true. In fact it is these very desires and attachments that make me tense, frustrated, nervous, insecure, and fearful... Deep down in my heart, I know that that even after I get those desires, I will not get happiness."
This, is something i want engraved into my mind so deeply, that I don't doubt it with one step of my journey for the rest of my days. In my mindI believe that if my family is healed, I will be happy. This however is not the case. Nothing apart from God is good. There is no good apart from YOU GOD. ah, true peace lies in that. True peace lies in letting go of the unknown and the pain and the destruction and the constant eating away, and the constant beating of my flesh fighting the spirit.
insert from my journal: Who is good? NO, not one. Who is there to cast a stone? No, not even one. God the righteous, his son, came to die a sinners death so that he might redeem us of our sins, so that he WOULD redeem us. So that he could live through us."
Why would he choose any of us? ANY. HE MADE HIM WHO KNEW NO SIN TO BE SIN SO THAT WE MIGHT BECOME THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD. 2COR5:21 we should be realizing that THIS is the only blessing we could ever need. We have life, and then he gives us the option to have it abundantly. The option, he doesn't force it, but oh he smiles when we accept it. accept and believe the words he speaks.
and my little peafart brain thinksI deserve anything, but to proclaim the goodness and the glory of this father who didn't even have to create me. AH I AM SO undeserving.
Life is of no more than this: that i might have this treasure in a jar of clay(being myself) myself is of no worth, but this treasure that God has given to all who love him and choose to follow( HIS SPIRIT) his beautiful spirit, inside of me. I AM OF NO VALUE OTHER THAN THIS SPIRIT IN ME.
He makes beauty rise from the ashes, and when you are weak, HE is strong.
go under his mercy.
As of right now I do.
And I feel I will go crazy if I don't choose to say the millions of thoughts running through my mind right now.
The last time I talked about this, was way dramatic and almost out of line. Now I am writing it not only hoping that God will speak to others and use me, but also that he will speak to me through my own submission in coming before him, even if it is public- in one way or another.
"false belief: if all of my desires are fulfilled, I will be happy. This is not true. In fact it is these very desires and attachments that make me tense, frustrated, nervous, insecure, and fearful... Deep down in my heart, I know that that even after I get those desires, I will not get happiness."
This, is something i want engraved into my mind so deeply, that I don't doubt it with one step of my journey for the rest of my days. In my mind
insert from my journal: Who is good? NO, not one. Who is there to cast a stone? No, not even one. God the righteous, his son, came to die a sinners death so that he might redeem us of our sins, so that he WOULD redeem us. So that he could live through us."
Why would he choose any of us? ANY. HE MADE HIM WHO KNEW NO SIN TO BE SIN SO THAT WE MIGHT BECOME THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD. 2COR5:21 we should be realizing that THIS is the only blessing we could ever need. We have life, and then he gives us the option to have it abundantly. The option, he doesn't force it, but oh he smiles when we accept it. accept and believe the words he speaks.
and my little peafart brain thinks
Life is of no more than this: that i might have this treasure in a jar of clay(being myself) myself is of no worth, but this treasure that God has given to all who love him and choose to follow( HIS SPIRIT) his beautiful spirit, inside of me. I AM OF NO VALUE OTHER THAN THIS SPIRIT IN ME.
He makes beauty rise from the ashes, and when you are weak, HE is strong.
go under his mercy.
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