I look back on the past times when I came here to write the things I longed for people to see and a cry out of my soul. For someone to know me, for someone to pay attention and for someone to notice me dying for growth.
My heart grasped for strands of safety and I had an anchor wrapped around my entire body, a rope that could hold an entire building, a hope that could lift the entire world from it's misery.
But I chose to grasp at the strands instead.
We humans are so tiny and we fool ourselves into believing the biggest lie of all: that this life is about us even for a second. That it is about our comfort and us feeling at home, for us finding happiness, feeling hungry, looking cute, feeling attractive, finding a soul mate, feeling complete.
"Ask anything in my name and I will give you the desires of your heart."
He has said this, and Jesus does not lie. Nor does he believe we understand this to the fullest, and I don't think anyone will completely "get" this until we get to heaven and are COMPLETELY COMPLETE.
My desires, as hard as I let go and submit myself to the Lord, my flesh is always there combatting and fighting for my life. I have a thorn and that is the simple thing; the thorn of my flesh. It will not leave me... but neither will my Lord.
That is why this walk on earth is a battle, but the beauty of this battle is that it has already been won.
We know the ending, we have hope to be with our father and we have hope to see a day that is perfection and bliss and the cry of our soul now. Our dissatisfaction comes in being under this flesh and not completely glorified before the Lord and praising his name, that is when satisfaction to the fullest will be. I have nothing to fear, He has given to me all that I need and that is salvation. If I have anything to worry about, it is out of my flesh. Jesus is all that we need. ALL THAT WE NEED.
I long to be home, long to be with my Jesus, the love of my life.
The one who has walked through the fire of this past year with me and has wood me slowly into his arms, patient as I'll ever know patience and yet I still fall and still have my flesh beckoning.
My Jesus is my life, and I want everyone to know, want every ear to hear this beauty and this power and love.
This perfection and this...life.
There is nothing good apart from him, not in the world, not in any of us as humans. Our good is dirt if it is not for his glory.
My good is dirt, but I will bring my dirt, hold it out before him and bow low, hoping for even a glimpse of his glory over my nasty self.
How can I be a part of something so amazing? To stay here on this earth and make his name known? To see glory he created in each living thing! If only all of creation knew that this is his glory- to know him!
"I have redeemed you, I have called you by name. YOU ARE MINE"
how I long for all the beautiful faces I know that need to hear it...to just turn around and actually listen to the voice saying it, over and over again into their ears.
"I love you daughter/son, you are mine, I want to use you, I want you to know me, I want you to be a part of living true and abundant life, I want you to walk away from your flesh and live in a joy, walk in a peace, know a master and power. To believe is to be free. For if you have died, you have been set free from sin. I am your father who is JEALOUS for you. Be set free."
Beautiful people, constantly whispered to, by a beautiful, gracious, fierce and powerful LORD.
